Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
if only i could text you this smell
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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