Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
