I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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