Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
