When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
