ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
