Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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