ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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