I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
