You can't special order awesome
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
