Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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