you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
