I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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