I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
