i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You pole danced in your parka.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
