dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
