Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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