My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
