My sheets look like a crime scene.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
