i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
