meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
