I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
