dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
