smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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