New invention idea: vibrating tampons
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Is it penis luge time yet?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
