I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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