yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
