rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
