Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
