I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
