she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I did not marry a roomba.
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