It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
