you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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