Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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