Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
