I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
