my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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