just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
