she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
