Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
