Pappa wants mamma naked
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Are we still banned from the library?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
