I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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