i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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