Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
