break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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