Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
