in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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