My first STD was from a foam party
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
