I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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