i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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