He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
