Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
