My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dicks are not precious.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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