i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she peed on how many people?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
