I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
