Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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