Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
