Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
