What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
