somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
organizing the empties. That sober.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
