If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
