We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
